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    April 19

    Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

    Today's  Professional Management FUNDAS

     1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

    2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

    3."We are working on it" means
    "We have not yet started working on the
    same"

    4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done
    "At least not tomorrow!"

    5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means

    "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

    6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

    7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will
    talk later"

    8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

    9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension
    of the deadline" means
    "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver
    on time."

    10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually
    fought"

    11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help
    you" means
    "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

    12."You should have told me earlier" means
    "Well even if you told me
    earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

    13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you
    where your fault is"

    14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just
    ensure that the work is not affected," means,
    "Well you know..."

    15."We are a team," means,
    "I am not the only one to be blamed"

    16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything
    about it"

    17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

    Not for kids joke

    Going All Night

    A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night? It's going to be a hell of a party."

    The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is potent: drink only one ounce of it, and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know how it goes."

    The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist goes to work and finds the same guy waiting for him on the door-step. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?" The guy replies, "Quick, I need Blue Ice (muscle pain relief).

    The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't put that on your pxxis. The skin is way too sensitive."

    The guy says, "No, no, It's not for that, it's for my arm."

    Pharmacist: "What?? What happened?"

    Guy replies, "Well...I drank the whole bottle of your potion."

    Pharmacist: "Oh my god, and then what ? "

    "The girls never showed up!"

    April 17

    GLASS OF MILK - The Story that touched my heart............. (Just Think After U read the Story)

    One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

    He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.

    Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"

    "You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness."

    He said ... "Then I thank you from the bottom of my heart."

    As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit..

    Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.

    Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.

    Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.

    Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.

    He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.

    After a long struggle, the battle was won.

    Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent t o her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words .. "Paid in full with one glass of milk"

    (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

    Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands."

    There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about?!


    The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which -- To burn 
     

    The world is a book, and those who do not travel , read only a page

    April 16

    Laugh sometime........Think more..........

    Need Light

    A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.

    The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

    The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?"

    "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."

    The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?"

    "What? And work in the dark?"

    3 Wishes

    There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators, paranas, and many other things that could kill you. The host said that if anyone could swim across the tank, he would, to the best of his ability, grant them 3 wishes.

    Well, nobody was up to the challenge, so everyone just started having a good time and doing that "party thing."

    Suddenly, there was this big splash! The host looked and saw a man swimming to beat hell across the tank, and, lo and behold, he made it!

    The host walked over to the man and said, "Alright, you made it, WOW!. What are your 3 wishes?" The man replied, "First, you see that shotgun of yours? give me it, Two, see those bullets over there? give me them, 3, show me the Stupid-fucker who pushed me in."

     

    Bible in Little Boy's Hand

    A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.

    Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. ; ; "What have you got there, dear?

    "With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear. "