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April 16 Bible in Little Boy's HandA little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. ; ; "What have you got there, dear? "With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear. " March 30 Fooling AroundFooling Around One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot." March 21 Really Good JokesMeaning Of Names An boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"? Husband Prank
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. March 13 Few DefinitionsSchool: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that
you can die Rich. Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her masters. Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by
feminine waterpower. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either" Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece. Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on. Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got
caught. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do. Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead March 09 Love for Boss...Good one !In Memory of all those who love their bosses ! A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week." The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
He replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..." Prayers Will be Answered Always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, desert like island. The two survivors, not knowing what else to do, agree that they have no other recourse but to pray to God. However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite sides of the island. The first thing they prayed for was food. The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren. After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a wife. The next day, there was a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the island, there was nothing. Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing. Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to leave the second man on the island. He considered the other man unworthy to receive God's blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered. As the ship was about to leave, the first man! heard a voice from heaven booming, "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?" "My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them," the first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not deserve anything." "You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings." "Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "what did he pray for that I should owe him anything?" "He prayed that all your prayers be answered." For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone, but those of another praying for us. This is too good not to share... My prayer for you today is that all your prayers are answered. Be blessed. "What you do for others is more important than what you do for yourself." This was shared with me by a friend, I hope you will share it with your friends. January 08 A lesson by lecuturer to "Be Observant".A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classoom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste." After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths. After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth." Why woment are Being SuspiciousSometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs!" January 03 The King & The MinisterOnce upon a time, a chief minister made a sudden decision to renounce the world. He told the king, "I am tired of all the worldly concerns.
I just want to be free." Saying this the minister went away and started meditating below a banyan tree. The next day the king went searching for the chief minister and found him below the tree. He asked," What have you achieved by leaving the world." The minister looked up at the king and replied, "Yesterday I was standing and you were sitting. Today I am sitting and you are standing. That is the first gain!." ________________ Onion, Tomato & Ice Cream - A True Story (Tamil)
sariyana mokka mail., itha padichu epadi naan kanneer vitano adhai madhiri neenga ellorum kanneer vidunga.... Oru voorla, oru Onion, thakali and Ice cream moonum frnsa irundhadham.. oru naal 3m beach ku kulikka poonaanga, appa solla solla ketkaame, Ice cream, thanila poi karanji poiduchaam.. Thakaaliyum onion um angaiye porandu porandu azhudhuttu..! Veetuku vara vazhila Lorry la accident aagi, thakkaali nasungi poochaam.. Vodane Onion, azhudhukitee God kitta poi " Ice sethappa naanum thakkaliyum azhudhom, ippa thakaali sethappa naan azhudhen.. but naan naalaiku sethenna yenakku nu azhaa yaaru irukka" nu kettuchaam.. Adhuku God, sari inimaye nee sagum boodhu yarellam pakkathula irukkangalo ellarum azhuvanga nu sonnaaram..! Inimaye Vengaiyam narukum boodhu kannula yen thanni varudhu nu yaarachu kettaa.. thiru thiru nu mulichikittu irukkaame.. idhe solli escape aagidungaa.. okva? December 26 Treatment to DrunkA woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork. "Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil," she responded. "Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister." December 08 Very Good Answers - Hope You Would Love it kids in school think quick
TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA : Here it is! TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS : Maria! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank? FRANK : Because of the sign. TEACHER : What sign? FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER : No, that's wrong GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD : H I J K L M N O!! TEACHER : What are you talking about? DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE : Me! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty? GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I." MILLIE : I is... TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am." MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? TINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?" LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!; __________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD : A teacher. November 29 Little Billy & his Teacher - Just Jolly Little Billy on… Survival Little Billy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little Billy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." "Oh?“ replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" "No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own f*cking business!!" Little Billy on… Philosophy A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Billy. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little Billy says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little Billy replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking." Little Billy on… Math Little Billy returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks his father. "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied Billy. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the f*cking difference? " asks the father. "That's what I said!" Little Billy on… English Little Billy goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Billy says " Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Billy, that's a mouthful." Little Billy says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a bl*wjob." Little Billy on… Grammar One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful Banquet and it turned out beautifully." The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little Billy. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just f***ing beautiful!" Airport - Jokes - Just Jolly - Name - Lady and a PriestAn Indian guy named "Anantharaman Subbaraman" arrived at the New York airport and ended up waiting for his visa for about 2 hrs for the authorities to call his name, he got fedup and went to them and asked why they havent called his name yet.
They said that they have been calling him for last 2 hrs as 'Anotherman Superman' :-D :-D :-D __________________________________________
Lady and a Priest
A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked, "Excuse me, Father, could I ask a favour?" "Of course! What can I do for you?" "Here's the problem...I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock? Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I will not lie." "You have such an honest face, Father. I am sure they will not ask you any questions," and she gave him the hair remover. The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs, he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son," he replied. Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what do you have?" The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used." Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go Ahead Father... Next!" Teacher & Student Jokes - Just JollyTeacher :What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhi ji was born. Teacher :What happened in 1873? Student:Gandhiji was four years old. Question:What is the fullform of maths. Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?...... japan Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it. Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it. Teacher :Why? Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!! Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?" Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time." Teacher: How old is ur father. Sunny:As old as I am. Teacher:How is it possible? Sunny:He became father only after I was born. Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? STUDENT:32 yrs. Teacher:How do you know? STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad. Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it. Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class? Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down. Teacher: Where does God live? Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom. Teacher: Why do you say that? Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?' Teacher:"What is your name?". Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai." Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english." Student:"My name is Sunlight." 12 Differences between Women and Men12 Differences between Women and Men - I got this in mail 1. NAMES: If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. 3. MONEY: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. 4. BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 5. ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. 6. CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. 7. FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 8. SUCCESS: A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 9. MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. 10. DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. 11. OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. 12. FINAL THOUGHT: Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. Views on staying late in the office This is mail I got.................
Narayana Murthy 's views on staying late in the office PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing... and who's at work? Any guesses??? Let's ask one of them...
Teeenage Daughter - LetterFather passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:- Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway,42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree? Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. Your loving daughter, Rosie. At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read: PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. HR Job Made Easy - Just for Jolly HR JOB MADE EASY
Here is an intresting version of way to identify people suited for a particular job.
Some cool Jokes again - MNC A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee..... On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!" The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?" "No" replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!" The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to,you IDIOT?" "No!" replied the Managing Director angrily. "Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.
Mr.Bean JokesMr. Bean's Jokes !!! WHILE HAVING A BRAIN CHECK UP Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumour. Mr. Bean : Yesss!!! (jumps in joy) Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you? Mr. Bean : Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb? Doctor : Then why are you so happy? Mr. Bean : Because that proves that I have a brain! MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL Teacher : What is 5 plus 4? Mr. Bean : 9 Teacher : What is 4 plus 5? Mr. Bean : Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure,the answer is 6!! WHILE IN A DRUG STORE Mr. Bean : I'd like some vitamins for my grandson. Clerk : Sir, vitamin A, B or C? Mr. Bean : Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!! QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE Friend : What are you looking at? Mr. Bean : I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend : Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Mr. Bean : Four asterisks! PUZZLE Friend : How many women do you believe must a man marry? Mr. Bean : 16. Friend : Why? Mr. Bean : Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse. CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND Friend : How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok? Mr. Bean : What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture. Friend : What tape did you take anyway? Mr. Bean : Head Cleaner. SHARING SYMPATHY Mr. Bean : (crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead. Friend : Condolence, my friend. (After 2 minutes Mr. Bean cries even louder). Friend : What now? Mr. Bean : My sister just called, her mom died too! MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING Colleague : Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. Because of a power failure. Mr. Bean : That's alright, me too... I got stuck on the escalator for 3hrs. SPELLING LESSON Mr. Bean's Son : Dad, what is the spelling of successful... .is it one "c" or two "c"? Mr. Bean : Make it three "c" to be sure |
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